I write this reflection on, what in years past; I would have considered a couple's certain doomsday. Within hours, Alex and Alia will walk down the aisle and take their vows. Will May 2, 2009, be the day of deliverance for the two, one of delight, or the beginning of the end? I know not. I only understand that on this date, the pair will do, as I purposefully never planned to. They will wed. I have not met either of these individuals; yet today I can think of nothing but their lives and the effect they have had on me.
I became aware of Alex and Alia, A2, for short, while on an airplane headed for The Toddling Town. It was Friday, March 27, 2009. Neither the man who will become a husband today, nor the woman, who will be declared his wife, was physically present. Indeed, I may never see the persons who sincerely moved me to rethink whether I might say, "I do". Perhaps, they know nothing of what began as an innocent encounter. The Earth did not shake, and certainly, I never expected my conviction to crumble. Indeed essentially my belief did not evolve. In truth, nothing actually changed. Still, after a three-hour exchange, I began to more seriously consider what for all of my live I rejected, marriage.
Now that we have two states that have sanctioned same sex marriages and one that has been in effect for four years in Massachusetts, what do we know about how gays are responding to marriage? While it is still early in the process, I think there are some trends that we can see beginning to take shape. Before I continue, in the interest of disclosure I have to admit that while I personally for religious reasons do not condone the practice, I would not begrudge anyone the opportunity to partake of wedded bliss. Why should we heterosexuals be the only ones to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune???
Tonight, I am reminded of how the results of a report resonated throughout America earlier in the year; 51% of Women Are Now Living Without Spouse. As the Gay and Lesbian population prepare to discuss issues important to their community, inclusive of their desire for more than a "civil union;" I wonder. Why, or when is marriage desirable. Why and when is it not. Presidential hopefuls plan to delicately touch on the subject of "same sex marriage." One might muse, matrimony no matter the mix, is a difficult dynamic to consider.
Weeks ago, I discovered the term "Mrs." is a source of much angst. Apparently, the title in the minds of many dishonors a woman, rather than reveres her.
Sex is in the city and in the country. Americans are aroused and sizzling. They are hot and ready to trot. Numerous are running rampant. Others await Mister or Miss Right; these persons are tenuously evaluating the situation. Some saunter into the sex scene. A few wait on the sidelines. Many find more than one partner that pleases them. Nonetheless . . .
Sex is in the city and in the country. Americans are aroused and sizzling. They are hot and ready to trot. Numerous are running rampant. Others await Mister or Miss Right; these persons are tenuously evaluating the situation. Some saunter into the sex scene. A few wait on the sidelines. Many find more than one partner that pleases them. Nonetheless . . .
After marrying, my Mom tried diligently for four full years to give birth to a child. She went from specialist to specialist. Batteries of tests were run, and then, re-run. Although she and my father were both fertile and they were a couple that thoroughly enjoyed intercourse, they could not seem to produce a baby. My Mom, a scientist at heart, concluded that perhaps, she was not fecund when most women were. Perchance her cycle was different. Once considering that possibility was enough. From then on, she was able to plan her pregnancies. My Mom gave birth to three children, none born in the first three years.
Apparently, if a Washington State initiative passes, couples such as my parents would be required to have their marriage annulled. "Naturally," gay partnerships, would not, could not be considered. Obviously, such a union would not be classified as marriage material. The Religious Right, may have felt embolden after the state Supreme Court upheld a ban on same-sex marriage, however they did not propose a plan to go further. They did not restrict what constitutes marriage in a manner that might seem feasible to them. Numerous pious persons say the bible deems the purpose of matrimony is procreation. Thus, the Washington Defense of Marriage Alliance took action.
What is in a family surname, a first name, or a middle moniker? Today as I reflect on a current court case, I am reminded of my own history, my Mom's, and several stories told by former President Gerald R. Ford. Michael Buday is petitioning a federal judge for the right to take Diana Bijon's last name. The two recently married. Michael never felt connected to his own natural father. Mister Buday declares, "I had a rough childhood with my father," He continues, "We never really got along. Diana's father stepped up, gave me career advice. He's family." The term "family" is often heartfelt; it means more than any surname. At least it does to Michael Buday.
In a nation where forty plus, fifty, or sixty percent of marriages end in divorce, [depending who whose statistics you trust] the topic of companionship and connections is a must. In a country where many are separated, where children are left alone, and families are not intact, the quality of relationships is a necessary consideration. This week, the New York Times addressed this concern in two articles, Marriage Is Not Built on Surprises and Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying. I, as many do, have an active interest in this matter.
Yesterday, I spoke with an acquaintance. She seems to be happy in her current relationship; she says she is. I remember when her beau was a source of great stress. Jess was involved in his work and Lisa wanted him to be concerned with her. She tried and tried to change what was. Lisa turned to other men; Jess was upset. Still, transformation was slow in coming. The relationship came and went, repeatedly. Now the two are one, or are they?
Sixty-three [63] percent of singles have never been married.
Fourteen [14] percent of singles are widowed.
Twelve and two-tenths [12.2] percent are single parents. [Ten [10] million women, two and two-tenths [2.2] percent men]
In New York State alone, fifty [50] percent of the population is single!
One third of all births in 2002 were born to single mothers.
I thought; how fascinating, so many singles celebrating their marital status; yet, from my observations many are actively searching for a spouse, a soul mate, a sense of security, a sex partner, or something else.
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