The Satiated Stomach, The Study of Food © [Chapter Five]

by: Betsy L. Angert

Mon May 30, 2005 at 11:45:00 AM EDT

She filled her home with food.  She shopped daily.  Her cupboards were full.  She back-stocked; yet, there was never enough.  What food would tickle her fancy?  Which delicacies would she desire most?  What might she indulge in and would these cause her stomach to bulge, even after she emptied it?

She studied food, the way it sat in her stomach and the smoothness with which it came up.  Once downed, was she able to bring it all up again?  Would parts linger in her belly?  If the morsels did not come up in full, how long would they remain within?  Would she be able to rid herself of all the food or only portions?  What nutrients would be absorbed and what calories?

One day she overheard a neighbor speak of bulimia.  Why was this woman discussing this?  The young lady mentioned that bulimics destroy their teeth.  Is that true?  Would she be different?

She recalled how her habit had almost immediately affected her hair.  She once had very, very, very long hair; it was extremely thick and wavy.  A short time after she started satiating her stomach and then emptying it, she noticed that her hair changed.  It thinned.  It went straight.  She had always wanted thinner and straighter hair, though now that she had it, she realized that it was not as she preferred.  However, it was too late.  She was locked into this habit, or so it seemed.

She wanted to stop and yet, she did not believe that she could.  She tried.  She cried, though rarely.  The best part of eating endlessly and then throwing-up was that it took time, a lot of time if it were to be done well.  She was a very thorough person; she would do it well.  This left little time for thinking.  Well, that had been her hope.

It was not true.  She found herself bingeing and purging for hours.  Nonetheless, there was still time.  No matter how many moments were spent focusing on food, there was still time to think.  She thought.

Initially, the process released her from feeling; however, ultimately, it left her feeling more, more cautious, more fearful, less fulfilled, and less perfect.  Knowing or thinking that she could not stop, oh, that was another feeling.  That feeling never seemed to fade.

[Chapter Five in a Series.]

Please peruse Chapters One through Six, if you choose.